Today, February 25th. Its snowday here now, a little. 5pm. I am Sitting on bed, under a warm sheet, and staring at the outside of the window. About the fences, trees, and neighbors' roof. Snow falls outside. Cloudy. No sunlight almost. I am breathing real hard.
I cant imagine how freezing it is in the outside. I cant even imagine how freak this room is without the air-warmer —I actually call it magic warmer, haha. But now, i can literally imagine how freezing and freak my heart is, without having you. Yes :')
I have been having cold since last week, i actually dont know what kind of cold it is. But I find my body fall and fall, all over again. The doctor said to me that im alright, and i really am. Nothing happens to me, im pretty okay. No, just okay. But i dont know why my mom told me to stay on my bed. She actually always does. She likes not letting me go, like literally.
But the fact is, momma never let me to see the doctor firstly for the result of the checking up. She always sees the doctor before me. I dont know why that's so. Also i dont know what the doctor tells my mother, and what my mom says to the doctor. They always say that im okay, and i will be.
My mom doesnt actually hate you. I dont literally know whether she's just angry or jealous. But in fact, she always knows that the only reason why i am okay is you. Only thinking about you can always make me okay. Imagine how great it is if only i can have you on my own! I know..i know..
I know that momma had lost her child once and she wont let that happen again. Death just happened like that to my older sister with no good reason. I am pretty sure that my mom knows how hard it is losing a hope. No, not "a hope" like what you think.
Every mom, that has born a baby, will always be putting good hopes for the that baby's future. But she lost those hopes she had put on a that baby, she lost the baby. But God made her having a chance to put another hopes to me, second Son. She has put so many hopes on me, like surely. She always wants me to be what she want. And i never have a gut to say "no". Bc this far, i think she is always right. When someday i grow old, i dont want to find my self to end up regretting the time that i had said "no" to her. It would be really pathetic.
This evening, i really just wanna write about you. I really miss you. But every each snowfall, seems like it falls one by one, reminds me that you are not meant to be for me anymore. It kills me a little. But a little part on the deepest heart, is telling me that you still have a same feeling for me. But for once again, the other side againsts that.
Sometimes, i think that God has Shown the way that you are not for me. But sometimes, i also think that it's just a break for your heart, so you can be ready to love me again.
But in fact, the reasons you leave me are because you lost the feelings for me, you got bored, you messed with your feeling, you wanted freedoms and at some points i found you love anyone else. I used to oftenly find you got bored but i always find a way to get you back, but it's different. I have been through hell, i have been through the hardest part of being with you, but i dont feel the same now. Some, even i literally think that i have to say goodbye. But "goodbye"s are meant for lonely people, standing in the rain.
So many girls come-go passing my life, and i was okay. But now it's different, it means you are really special fo me, yesterday, now, and then. Cause you are the only exception, my only exception.
Warm love for cold evening,
—DAP a.k.a @tweetbatin
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